The Doctor.
While pursuing my doctorate, two of my associates, both coincidentally Asian American women, said something that gave me pause. Both of them said, “I’m never calling you ‘doctor.’” I found this odd given that we’ve been associates for a significant amount of time. But after a while, their statement made sense: they were not going to give me credit for what I earned. Later, I thought about my status as a Black Man. I surmise the ladies were more than comfortable levying that kind of disrespect because I was a Black Man.
Not long after I officially became Dr. Christopher Dickson, I was in a job interview. I mentioned by background and why I got a doctorate. I was rather demure when alluding to my doctorate, citing that it is a means to an end for what I want to do in higher education.
While I have been in isolation and damn-near obscurity in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, I spent many hours in reflection and research. Then I stumbled upon Dr. T Hasan Johnson and his work in Black masculine studies. Dr. Johnson provides a profusion of information and ways to get involved, so I would implore anyone to check him out. Dr. Johnson has a show in which he addresses topics through a Black masculine frame, which unfortunately has been relegated to oblivion by society for the better part of a century.
Dr. Johnson described a similar microaggression he experienced when a Black woman called him Mr. Johnson despite introducing himself as Dr. Johnson multiple times. Would any one think my aforementioned associates or Dr. Johnson’s hired housecleaner would have levied this disrespect if we were White men? I cannot say for sure, but it makes me wonder. Hearing Dr. Johnson’s experience made me realize that there are likely many of us Black doctors being disrespected, and young Black males need more positive examples of Black male success.
Black male success is hardly limited to having a doctorate, but successes that lie outside of athletics and entertainment need to be highlighted more. As of very recently, I have been more proactive in unabashedly highlighting my status just to let young Black males know that they, too, can attain whatever they want with the right work ethic and perseverance. I did not come from wealth or high class. I am just a regular guy from a blue-collar family who worked hard and persevered to become Dr. Christopher Dickson. I shall start letting it be known.
The Duality of Self: Adaptability
I maintain that our weaknesses are often darker versions of our strengths. After taking another CliftonStrengths (Strengths) assessment, Adaptability emerged as my top theme. In the Strengths context, adaptability means going with the flow and taking on challenge or change as they come rather than being overly-consumed with the future.
On one hand, being adaptable serves me well in terms being agreeable, managing unexpected outcomes, keeping my composure, and embracing new challenges. Given the duality of life, however, there’s a darker side to just about anything. My adaptability fails me in moments when others prefer rigid decisiveness or something as trivial as being asked what I want for dinner (Sidenote: If left to my own devices, my dinner is a boring rotation of poultry or fish with some kind of vegetable medley. This contributes to my lack of concern with what’s for dinner.). In a darker sense, my adaptability can be perceived as lacking foresight, initiative, or leadership. My example fails to demonstrate how complex and dynamic Strengths are, such as how all the themes interact with other and the four domains (also, everyone generally possess all the Strengths in come capacity). Nonetheless, our traits, or Strengths, contain a duality that serves and undermines us.
Regardless, I can make hard decisions where there are higher stakes involved. Generally, however, I am just a laid-back Californian who takes on whatever comes and turn that into the best possible outcome.
Love Languages
I am often asked [by women] what my love languages are, followed by a list of the five: Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, and Words of Affirmation. Whenever I received a list of the five languages, I guessed based on what appealed to my sensibilities. However, I took the quick quiz to actually get the answers. Nonetheless, I get the feeling that telling [women] to go to my website to see my top love languages won’t go over well…
Quality Time (30%)
Makes sense. I enjoy merely being around the person/people I love. I am never overly consumed with what we are actually doing. In fact, can just sit and talk for some time with no other activity.
Acts of Services (23%)
In my heart, I feel this is my top language. However, the results are the results, I suppose. Nevertheless, I feel better when I know people are looking out for me even when I fail to look out for myself. That really warms my heart. This is not to be confused with receiving gifts.
Physical Touch (23%)
Yessir.
Words of Affirmation (17%)
This is actually a weakness. Part of my growth is learning to accept words of affirmation rather than scoffing them away. Back when Kanye was Kanye before he became Kanye, he said, “If you admire somebody you should go ahead and tell [them]. People never get the flowers while they could still smell [them].” However, I am great at giving others words of affirmation. I just need to accept them better.
Receiving Gifts (7%)
While I shirk at the notion of feeling loved or validated based on receiving gifts, a less cynical approach is that I like the thought behind the gift rather than the act of receiving the gift. If that makes sense. But! I am great at gift-giving. It’s truly an art. However, receiving gifts is not nearly as important to me as the aforementioned languages.